Processed with MoldivIt’s been about two and a half years, since I seeked help for my problems.
Since I took the first step, that we all know, is always gonna be the hardest.
The hardest part of a journey, into something so bad, so good, so beyond hard, but yet more powerful, than words could ever express.

I’ve come a long way from that girl. Who after years in the the dark, finally asked for some help, to dig out some light.
A helping hand, to find the way back to her dreams. And to get back to the girl, who would never let anything, or anyone, stand in her way.

I’m glad to say that today, I feel strong. Stronger.
I’m still working on myself. Still working on getting all the pieces to fit back together again.
And though I know, that I still have so much fucked up thoughts, emotions and fears, inside of my head.
I still keep at it.
I mean, don’t get me wrong… My brain is still working on overtime at times.
And I feel like screaming out loud, at least once a day. But I’m getting there.

I’m on my way…. To whatever lies ahead for me, and my dreams.
If that adds up to a family life. My own business, or prince charming, who holds the key to my Barbie dream house. Who knows?
But, to be deep down honest with you. I don’t really care.

As long as I’m healthy, and I have good people by my side.
I will be happy.

As long as I can stand proud, and say that I am staying strong, even through everything that has happend in my life.
Everything else will just be the icing, on this bittersweet cake, that is life.

I’m proud of myself for fighting. For standing on my own two feet. And for finally showing the world, that I have a voice.
If you would have asked me a few years ago, I wouldn’t even be able to tell you, if I would still be alive.

I’m glad that I didn’t give up. I’m so glad I took that first step. Even though it scared me more, than I could ever begin to tell you. Even if admiting out loud, that I couldn’t do it on my own. Shook me to my very core.
I’m so glad I did it.

Even though I’m not a 100% where I want to be in life, just yet.
I can feel the pieces slowly coming together. And everyday, a new opportunity rises.
To think that, if I had given up. None of the things that are now happening in my life, would even matter. It would just be lost dreams, and empty words, heard by no one.
I’m so glad, that I from a young age, was taught what it ment to be strong. And that my mama didn’t raise no quiter. She raised a fighter.
Thank you, Mom!

It’s been two years since I got out of treatment.
Since I was dropped back into the real world, to handle it myself.
I remember being so scared, walking out of the doors to the house, I left a bit of my soul in.
The room I left my armor in.
To walk out with no protection. No armor. No «safety».
I walked out of those doors, a confused, scared, happy, and half put together, girl.
Who didn’t know what the future would hold.
Who didn’t know if she would even make it, on her own.
But she was stronger than the girl who walked in those doors, the first time.
And for that she was greatful. Proud. And powerful.

I made a promise to myself that day.
That even through ups and downs. Good days and bad nights.
I would never ever let my self stop fighting, again.

That OCD monster inside of my head, almost killed me once.
Never again!

The girl I was born, and the girl I have become, will never allow herself to become that weak again.

I’ve come way too far, to back down and give in now.
The broken pieces might still be stuck, in the corners of my mind.
And I might not be done, with the monsters inside my head.

But I’m dusting it out everyday. I’m fighting against it. And I’m showing the world, and myself, everyday.
That just because life threw lemons, like bombs at my heart.
Doesn’t mean, I can’t make lemonade, someday.

I might not be able to say that I’ve been 2 years sober.
But In a way… I have.

I slip. I fall. I cry. And I feel weak, sometimes.
But I always get back up, and throw those god damn lemons in a pile.
Because someday, this girl…Is gonna show the world, what she’s made of.
While sippin’ on, one heck of a big glass, of bittersweet lemonade.